i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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