If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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