So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
