I have demons in me.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
