bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
