fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
