His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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