I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
