Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You need Xanax blowdarts
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
