In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
