R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
