You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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