I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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