there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
