Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
