I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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