Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
