I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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