I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
