He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
