Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
