maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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