Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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