WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
