you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
