Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
