yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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