girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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