are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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