so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
