White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
