the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
