So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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