I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
