Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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