i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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