Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
