That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm drive I can fine osifer
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
