There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
