Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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