Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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