Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
