Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
