Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
