stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
