wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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