Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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