So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
