My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
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i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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