i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
