I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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