he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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