Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
