hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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