I wanna bring you to show and tell
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
