In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Pooping to opera.
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