My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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