so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
