I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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