i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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