told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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