I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
