My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
