and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
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The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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