i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
