so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
