you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
