he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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