YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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