Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
