my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
