When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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