i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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