I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
