i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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