OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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