after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
