This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
