I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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