I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
