I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
