Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
